Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The Alpha Male

I had an interesting conversation the other day (about men, what else?) with my dear friend, RL.

(It does make me wonder what it is that men talk about. I suspect the primary topic is NOT women, but rather, themselves. So I suppose that means that EVERYONE just talks about men?)

RL is a new friend, so we are just getting to know each other, and using the topic of men as the jumping-off point.

I was going through my logic for why I am thinking of doing something (that involves a man) and RL interrupted me to say, "Oh dear god. You sound like a man. Worse, you sound like an Alpha Male."

I was surprised, because.. well... because I was using logic and going through an analysis of the pros and cons, which doesn't seem to be a very male kind of thing.

But I think RL was not commenting on my analysis, I think she was commenting more on what I was using my analysis to justify. RL believes wholeheartedly that a man's interest in and desire for a woman decreases dramatically if the hunt is taken out of his hands. This reminded me of a comment that Bartleby left on one of my posts: "The guy is an alpha male who prefers to hunt than be hunted."

I find this curious because I have initiated every step of every sexual/romantic relationship I have ever had with a man. I dislike being hunted, it creeps me out. If I want something "interesting" to happen, I will initiate it. And since I am about as subtle as a mac truck, I've never learned how to quietly manipulate a guy into doing what I want him to do, with him thinking that it is HIS idea. Although, I have idly considered from time to time if I should try to develop that skill.

But this makes me wonder... are there men who share my active dislike of being hunted? Who, like me, prefer to control the if and when (and whenever possible) the how? I have always believed that ALL men, if presented with someone they find attractive, will not care who plays the role of the hunter versus that of the hunted. As far as the male mind goes, I always believed that the ONLY question was whether or not they were attracted, and I never before spent anytime considering the possible ramifications of whether men are bifurcated into alphas and... what would be the opposite... betas?

Of course, the answer might be as simple as I do not like or date or have sex with Alpha Males.

Although RL has introduced a new wrinkle. What does it mean that, in my dating habits at least, I exhibit Alpha Male tendencies? 'Cause while I love cats, I can't abide pussies. (I LOVE how that is so fraught with different levels of meaning).

But I think Gorgeous Hunk O' Man (JF) had it right when he told me on Monday night, "Lover, despite all your girly bits and pieces, you are actually a gay man."

13 comments:

Robespierre said...

Where to begin, where to begin ... I think first that one might consider replacing the phrase "Alpha Male" with "Person Who Expects To Get What They Want All The Time." This MIGHT (only throwing stuff against a wall here and seeing what sticks) more accurately represent the dynamic you describe. I don't think men could care about hunting or being hunted. I think some men feel that women who hunt fall into that PWETGWTWATT category and choose not to resign themselves to a life of dealing with someone perhaps termed "high maintenance." Men might chase, but women choose whom to accept so it does not seem to me to be about any kind of chase/be chased power dynamic. I have seen a few instances of very agreeable women do a little chasing to great effect -- they ended up with their target and were together for a while. I think I speak for all men when I say: Chase away, women of the world! But once you catch us, most of us still live in that fairytale world where we are masters of our domain. Do not pull the rug out from underneath our fantasy, and we will all be happier. It is like that scene in Schindler's List where Schindler tries to convince Nazi Camp Commander that power actually resides in NOT treating Auschwitz like a Coney Island shooting gallery. Your power, women, is in allowing us to win battles even as you win the war. Those of you who think of yourselves as Alpha I believe would be better served by listening to Schindler a little. (You too male alphas.)

C-Belle said...

Of course you are right, darling. Whatever you say, I am in complete agreement. *batting eyelashes, heaving bosom, demure smile*

Bartleby said...

Interesting, Robespierre, and well said. But I wonder if you flatter a rather plain topic. Since time immemorial, men have hunted things, including women, who they happily dragged around by their hair. Some women retain an atavistic memory of this and so now prefer to hunt. But most have forgotten. So I think RL is on to something. And I hope GHoM JF is not.

C-Belle said...

I let men kiss me all the time to be polite, or because it's easier than kicking them in the balls. But it's often misread as returned interest. Go figure.

C-Belle said...

And Bartleby, why do you wish that Gorgeous Hunk O' Man (JF) is wrong? What's wrong with women being gay men?


I'm just cranky as all hell. Back to Bach.

C-Belle said...

BTW, Robespierre corrected me, very appropriately. It's a Mack truck, not a Mac truck, my crush on Steve Jobs, not withstanding. Xie Xie.

Bartleby said...

Women as gay men... Lends new meaning to high maintenance.

C-Belle said...

Oh please. I am as low maintenance as you get. And Robespierre, before you laugh up a lung, consider carefully. I like being left alone. I need my space. When I want attention, it is usually well aligned with the interests of the man I want it from. When I'm pissed off, an expensive gift makes everything right. No conversation necessary, cause when I want intelligent conversation, I talk to my girlfriends.


EASY.

C-Belle said...

Harumph. Back to my piano now.

ergo said...

Time immemorial? Atavistic memory? Pu-lease. To be fair, none of us were there. But in our modern times, I guarantee that trying to drag a New York woman by her hair would lead to disembowelment. In fact, touching her hair without permission could lead to the same.

C-Belle said...

The Embryologist touched my hair on our first and only date. I believe I snarled.

Bartleby said...

Ergo, I would never drag a New York woman by her hair. I use the wheel.

C-Belle said...

The wheel?