I've been giving the Universe a lot of grief lately - criticizing its listening skills for not offering up Viggo Mortensen or Matt Damon or James McAvoy or Owen Wilson or Clive Owen or Johnny Depp and a winning lottery ticket.
But as SK just pointed out, after hearing my latest stalker news, the Universe IS working hard on my behalf. Perhaps there's just a significant lag time between asking and receiving? (In which case, apologies in advance to the next man in my life. I WILL cheat on you when the Universe finally gets around to offering up any of the men listed above).
Remember my ex - the jailed sociopathic alcoholic stalker? Well, I only empty my mailbox when my mailman yells at me to do so. And when that series of events occurred today, I found three letters stamped: "Inmate mail. XXXXXXX County Jail."
Of course, the first thing I did was to call EVERYONE I know so I could read them the letters.
There's only word for it. Even KK, who is, BY FAR, the nicest person I know (and objectively a truly nice person), agreed. It's delicious.
How many times do people wish misfortune on their ex after a ugly breakup and even uglier relationship?
I haven't thought about it one way or the other in a very long time, but for a concentrated period of time, I will admit that I did. And the Universe has delivered. No one else was hurt. No loss of innocent limbs or life or property (which would have made it significantly less delicious).
OK, Universe, job well done! Now get crackin' on my winning lottery ticket hand-delivered by Viggo or Matt or Clive or Johnny or James or Owen! And by the way, perhaps you wanna think about whether or not a certain someone drops his soap in the shower.... just a suggestion... Best case scenario, he'll decide he likes it and can start favoring a different demographic with his attention.
Is that mean of me? *wide-eyed innocent look*
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11 months ago