Monday, April 14, 2008

Fun With Spite

My sociopathic alcoholic stalker is relentless.

Seems to me I have only two options: 1. resign myself to hearing his pathetic, delusional dribble regularly for the rest of my life, or 2. make use of the fact that I have a friend who got top marks at sniper school.

I don't actually mean that. I feel guilty for just having written it. But it's fun to fantasize about being so completely ruthless that I could actually say, write, and think those things without the associated guilt.

But since I already feel guilty for being unkind, I might as well share more details: He sent me an email telling me that he can't stop thinking about me and that he is in the process of ending a relationship with a woman he met while at his recent inpatient rehab program (I strongly suspect it was court-ordered) because she has decided that she wants to go back to shoveling everything she can up her nose.

If you ask me, it sounds like a match made in heaven. I'm rooting for them. But I also have selfish reasons for hoping that they stay together - when he's otherwise occupied, he leaves me alone. Everyone reading this, clap your hands to root for them! Clap your hands if you believe in catastrophic yet time consuming and therefore stalking-minimizing dysfunctional relationships!

Interesting... that bit of unkindness on my part did not make me feel guilty at all. I will have to explore this mood elevating effect of spite. Pity and disgust and anger weighed heavily on me and caused me to question my generosity of spirit and my ability to forgive and be kind. But spite? I feel as light as a feather.

SK told me: "This should fall under the category of 'I wouldn't wish this on anyone', but yet here you are!"

Yup. Here I am, clapping!

No comments: