Protecting The Innocent

At yesterday's guitar lesson, I asked my teacher for more details about the upcoming recital. I knew it was going to take place in a bar, but I wanted to get a better sense for the venue. Inviting friends to a recital such as this raises some concerns. Especially given my friends, I wanted to make sure that they would be able to... how should I phrase it?... drink copiously. It's one thing to go to a bar and listen to great live music, another thing entirely to listen to a bunch of students earnestly working their way through Freebird or Stairway to Heaven.

So to stack the odds in favor of this not using up all my "friend credits," I have worked it so that I will perform last, or near last, and my friends can show up late. Not the best recital etiquette, but I think very advisable in this case.

I asked about the audience thing too - not that I would blink should the norm be to bring just one or two friends and I bring an entire posse - but I wanted to know nonetheless.

While we were discussing this, I made some joke about how my friends have been instructed to applaud wildly no matter what I do on stage - even if it involves ping pong balls.

My teacher looked at me with a charmingly confused look on his face. "Ping pong balls? You mean like beer pong?"

I looked at his earnest face and just said, "Oh, dear."

And I changed the subject.

What was I to do? How could I say to him: "There's a whole genre of stripper acts showcasing women shooting ping pong balls out of their hoo hoos and aiming them at the audience."

I can't be the one who opens that particular world for him. Sometimes virginity is better left alone.