Friday, January 11, 2008

I Will Survive

I was talking to SK yesterday as I was waiting for my New Love to be delivered to me. And all I can say is that denial does strange things to a person. I couldn't actually focus on anything she was saying to me, I was too busy pressing my face up against the glass of my kitchen window, looking for a delivery truck, and getting increasingly agitated. I think I may have started hyper-ventilating as well. SK tried to reassure me by pointing out that I'd be this much of a freak even if I had been eating and drinking.

I thought I'd be in a highly weakened physical state by now, but that hasn't been the case. If anything, my normal state is now punctuated by moments of extreme frenzy - and not necessarily related to food. I got it into my head the other day that I desperately needed more bath salts from Sabon, so I threw on my coat and ran out the door. 30 minutes later, I was power walking around Union Square with no idea why I had left my apartment. I only remembered later that evening when I took a bath and found my plentiful stash of bath salts.

Here's a list detailing how detox is affecting me:
  • I'm talking a little too quickly
  • I find myself unable to maintain eye contact without getting really antsy
  • I have trouble concentrating
  • I pendulum wildly between crankiness and calling everyone "darling"
  • I spend a little too much time sniffing my New Love

And the universe is trying to thwart my detox:

  • SH, the owner of the market across the street, called me to see if I wanted her to bring me some Korean food
  • TO texted me asking where the fuck I have been and have I been cheating on him by drinking at another bar
  • On my way to the laundromat, the guys at Ray's pizza waved at me, in a way I construed as particularly mocking
  • On my way to the bank, I ran into the corner diner delivery guy who said, "Hi Honey, no grilled cheese today?"
  • CL emailed me yesterday and offered to come over with a pizza and a bottle of wine
  • BB mocked me by telling me that he just happened to throw a perfectly good tin of low sodium spam into the river. Although, this may have been a joke. I lost my sense of humor a couple days ago.

But I am staying strong. For now.

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