Alone Time

Following a recent party in my apartment, SK brought to my attention my need for "alone time" even in a room full of people in my own home - sometimes even in mid conversation suddenly disappearing into my own world of song and dance where I am the only person on stage and an audience is optional.

In my defense, that happens only when I am very tired, or over-stimulated. Otherwise I can usually keep my shit together and remain engaged with what is going on around me.

But SK did not point this out critically. She, too, is an only child. And while her equally extensive need for "alone time" does not usually express itself in the middle of her own party, she understands.

I get cranky without copious amounts of time alone. When I was little and my parents asked me what musical instrument I wanted to study, apparently I informed them that I wanted to learn the piano because then "I could play by myself." I never thought I was athletic in school because school was all about team sports, and I preferred to run with scissors. It wasn't until years later with the discovery of yoga and serious horseback riding ("solitary" activities) that I realized that I actually possessed things such as balance and reflexes and strength.

Don't get me wrong, I ENJOY being with others. But I wonder to what extent my insomnia perpetuates itself from my pleasure in being perfectly alone in the middle of the night, no emails, no phone calls, just me, usually reflecting on the curious fact that no matter how many headstands I do, I still throw like a girl and catch like a gay man.